Recently, a good friend of mine and a mentor for many years called me to give a valedictory talk to the attendee’s. I landed a little early and sat through the end of the previous session, which was on negotiations. 

And that got me thinking… 

Having handled procurement and sourcing for many years, negotiation is supposed to be one of my core competencies. 

However, I have never really been very good at it. So I thought of sharing what I have learnt the hard way and through many ups and downs.

In this blog, I will talk about,

• What they teach in workshops
• Sincerity
• How its is everywhere
• Playing the person and,
• Muscle memory

I will start by asking a simple question!

Sellers Batna, Buyers Batna, Zopa, Threats, Compromises…

How many of you are familiar with these terms?

Yes, these are the terms we have all heard in those full blown sessions which taught us about negotiations and helped us become master negotiators.

Usually these workshops start off with a complete understanding of the negotiation lifecycle. One which starts from deciding to negotiate and ends with a follow up. For those who do not remember, the below infographic is a refresher.

We are taught the negotiation matrix which compels us to look at the various situations which may arise in the negotiation process.

These workshops teach us a lot about the various tactics one must follow. They devise strategies for us which are meant to make negotiations easy. 

But the question I ask is; are these enough?

Yes, on paper these are articulate, well structured and perhaps effective too.

But a primary factor that these tactics miss out on is the Human Factor.

Yes, you read that right!!

Think about it, 

Do negotiations happen on paper?

Nah!! They happen between people. Then how can a few matrices and tactics on paper give you the desired results?

Over these years I have learnt that understanding and working on the human aspect of negotiations is extremely important. It's understanding these that makes you master the art of negotiations. There are four factors one must keep in mind;

Sincerity!

Wondering what this guy is talking about?

Sincerity in negotiations?? 

Really???

Yes, sincerity in negotiations. And trust me when I say, it is one of the most important aspects too.

What we forget most times is that we are negotiating with people. They can see through us and our motives. And what they are looking for is a sense of security; they want to believe that the person who they are negotiating with has also got their best interests at heart; not just his own interests.

And people can sense ‘insincerity’ from miles away. If we genuinely believe that we are doing/negotiating something which will benefit both - it works; not the proposal so much as the sincerity.

And ‘winning the trust’ of the person you are negotiating with is as important as the preparation for the deal itself. 

Gaining peoples trust is simple; they have to believe:

• • That you have a benevolent nature and are given to fairness,
  • That you care what happens to them and don’t have hidden agenda’s,
  • That you have genuine concern for them.

The thing is, pretence does not work; what works is sincerity.

Another lesson I learnt early in life is,

Negotiation is Every-Where!

Be it transactional or personal, every relationship is based on negotiations; everyone is always negotiating.

The more the other person knows about you (your position), the more vulnerable you become in future negotiations. It is unfortunate but it is true.

In personal relations, which are full of emotions, we tend to be open to giving and hence we do not look at equal give and take. In fact, most do not consider them as negotiations.

In many situations, negotiators become friendly to press home advantages. 

Hence to all negotiators - my two bits of advise - you must be very careful:

• • In differentiating between motive for friendliness vs. genuine friendship,
  • Opening up about self, work, other aspects of life; it may get used in negotiating.

People react when I say this. “We will become paranoid, if we think like this”, they say. 

Well! there is no need to be paranoid, just be aware of this. We need to know who is genuine and who is not. 

These are lessons we normally learn in schools and when we are very young. That’s what leads us to having besties or acquaintances. But these get lost as we grow up. We move into workspace where we spend long hours with people we have transactional relations with.

It’s human nature and need for companionship which makes us open up in these transactional relationships and that’s something to be very careful of.

And now the most important and oft overlooked aspect,

Playing the Person

This is actually second nature to us and I do not mean in a negative way. When we want someone to like us, we use a strategy to get that person to like us. Have you ever wondered how this works.

A seminal work on this is the book ‘Influence, the psychology of persuasion’ by Robert Cialdini. Would urge everyone to read this. In a nutshell what he gives are six principles:

Have you noticed how your vendors, people you often negotiate with try to be friendly; maybe do you some favour, completely unrelated to work - maybe recommend a good doctor for your son/daughter. This tends to tilt you unconsciously in their favour, win your trust.

Vendors will show you samples of what others are buying from them in the hope that you feel ‘oh! If they are buying, it must be good’. Have you seen vendors happy just sampling for you, if you are a famous brand? - just so that they can show these samples to others and tell them that they are looking at starting business with you.

Notice how vendors like to chat with you; because if they can get you to tell them some principle you follow or make some statement in front of others like ‘I prefer working with vendors who are using ecologically sustainable processes’; it’s something that’s then used during future negotiations by them.

Notice how once you are friendly with the vendors, there is the talk about their struggles, their journey, how they try to solve their problems; using the fact that you now like them and to gain your sympathy.

These are all part of playing the person. Think about it…

Of course, it does not mean that we go into a cocoon and isolate from the rest of the world; but we must be aware to ensure these don’t colour our decisions.

And then we move to,

Muscle Memory?!

A lot is made of preparing for negotiations. But many a time in life we do not get the time or sufficient data to prepare for negotiations. 

Hence muscle memory; it should become part of you. The ability to understand what aspects go into negotiations - in every facet of transactional relationship.

Develop some reflex action to manage situations where you find yourself negotiating when you are unprepared.

The secret of course is in a few simple things:

• • Be aware of being played (as above)
  • Be aware of what you say, how you behave, with who you are
  • Above all, learn to differentiate between genuine people and interested parties

And finally, in conclusion,

I have seen what works and every time, is psychology. The people to people aspect. What really works is trust and how you gain that trust is the crux of the negotiation process.

While the different tactics we learn in workshops help you structure your negotiations, it's understanding the human aspect that makes you master the art of negotiations.

I know that this is a topic everyone has opinions on and hence am inviting all my readers to share their views on the same.

Please do comment and share your views in the comments section below. 

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